It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
