My sheets look like a crime scene.
Where is the hickey?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
