You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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