just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
