Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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