I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize