dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
