i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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