o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
