Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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