Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
