Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops

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(859): View more from Kentucky

The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?

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(407): View more from Florida

I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!

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(509): View more from Washington

Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?

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