new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
