So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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