Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
