Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
