dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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