I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
As shirtless as possible
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize