I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
