I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
