i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
