Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
