apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
