Small penises have feelings too.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
