Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
