I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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