I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
