careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
