I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
