He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
