Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
