he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
