Your face is a jimmy john
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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