Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
