none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
