If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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