take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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