They should really pass out barf bags in church
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
