The maid of honor just puked.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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