i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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