it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
