I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize