I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
