I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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