So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
