there's paper in my vomit.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
