Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
