Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
