I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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