Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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