apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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