yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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