I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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