you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
