Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
