I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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