i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
