Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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