Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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