That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
