He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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