The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
