PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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