dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
