He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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