And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
