winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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