If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
