life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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