They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
