It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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