no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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