We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
