I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize