i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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