my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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