I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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