I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
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