I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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