I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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